life and death

call me childish.
i dun think i have learnt how to accept life and death.
not yet.
even at this age, i often think about why pple have to die.
and de irrationale side of me would sometimes hope for advanced science to one day be able to make us all immortals.

i recall when i was young.
i used to stay up thinking about death when i couldnt sleep.
i thought about what it would feel like to be dead.
would i still be able to love, and to feel pain?
and de intense thoughts would scare me so much i teared.

i think i get too emotional when i hear bad news because i will start imagining myself in that scenario.
this time, things are really bad.
she will be turning 21 in 10 days time.
i really hope she's fine.
take care.